nothing significant

today is May 17, 2010:

i really, really, really can't remember last nights dream. at all. i may not have even had one. so nothing to say. or talk about. no dream. no fun.

goodbye

last night

Today is May 16. a sunday afternoon [evening i suppose] at 7:43.

I had a dream last night. I tried to, but I can't remember any of it.

before I went to sleep I told myself to wake up slowly so that I would hang on the the memories of my dream. I tried that. it didn't work.

the process of me trying to remember my dream lead to me writing [mind at this point in time I am in the odd half-awake-half-dreaming stage of consciousness] the details of my dream on a white board. I then began to have a half-awake-half-dreaming dream about this white board. I was writing on it. and an adult was there. I don't know, or remember, who. I am not sure they even had a face. I just remember the white board.

sigh

Oh well. This dream journaling process will have to begin with me experimenting on the best way for me to remember my dreams. how I should wake up. etc.

however.

the dream that i had on Wednesday I do recall. very clearly. as far as my dreams go anyhow.

I will start in what I think was the middle of the dream. the chronology of it has become very fuzzy and inarticulate. this is how I remember it:

in my dream. the middle of my dream. i pulled out what i believe was my kidney. there was no blood. no broken skin. no pain even. i reached in through my tummy and pulled out this organ. this organ that was the color of raw tuna. a yellow peachy color. and covered in spidery red veins. it was beautiful. slightly luminescent. the main arteries were cleanly cut. odd considering I ripped it out. the tips were gradated a deep red. it had no liquid on it at all. that stood out to me. the lack of body fluids. i noticed this as i realized that there was not gaping hole in my stomach. oddness.

because I now no longer had my kidney my body was quickly becoming contaminated. full of toxins that I couldn't filter out. I was starting to die. in my dream though I wasn't frightened.

somehow I was transported to a facility where I was to be treated. it may have been by helicopter. i don't know. as is the nature of dreams, at least my dreams. events dodn't lead directly into one another. places merge and a grassy field one minute will be a floating pink house the next.

this facility had an air of post-apocalypticness to it. the lighting was very cold and blue. it was like a hybrid between a stark white hospital with harsh florescent lighting, a library, a warehouse, an arboretum and a testing facility. The building was both small and slightly claustrophobic and unfathomably large at the same time. it had both the empty lost feeling you get in a giant concrete warehouse and the close clingy feeling you get from being in a hiding place during a game of hide-and-go-seek for too long.

There were people in white uniforms rushing around importantly and in a self-absorbed way on their own personal imperative business. Stainless steel tables covered in microscopes and petri dishes with numerous specimens created aisles down the center of the room. in parts of my dream I think it was underground and in others the walls were made of glass and it was open. although past the windows I can only recall their being grey clouds. as far as I know there were no actual walls. the rooms were divided by shelves full of books. like a library. and on these shelves grew plants both in and out of pots. in one of these rooms there was an operating table on which i was laid. at this point in my dream I was viewing myself outside of myself, this perspective switched throughout my dream.

by now i was really dying. this, I do believe, nears the end of my dream. I was lying on this table in convulsions with the people in the white uniforms gathering around me. coming and going. i think one of them was a doctor. or all of them. now my perspective goes in and out. sometimes i am on the table other times i am watching myself squirm. still no pain.

here i think i died.

Another part of my dream:

this part I believe is the beginning.

I am at the CCC campus and am running late for one of my classes which I have to get to, and I have to get to it with this large cumbersome, hideous rolling backpack.

The rolling back pack was something my best friend and i were discussing previously [in real life] with her mom. her mom insists that she should get a rolling back pack because her heavy bag is going to ruin her back and my friend and i insist right back that the rolling back pack is cumbersome and ugly. i think this is were this came from in my dream.

Anyhow. some how i have met up with a girl from my old elementary school, Madeline, and I am following her to my class that i must must must get to. it is imperative. only to reach this class we must navigate one of the CCC stairwells that has transmogrified into a very video-game-esque deathtrap. There are floating levels and we have to jump from one to another as they move. the only problem is that there is no bottom to this stairwell of death, only a deep abyss. because of my heavy backpack I am lagging behind. Madeline jumps from one floating level to another with seeming ease. however, i can never look directly at her when she jumps, and so I don't know how to navigate through this thing. I slip several times but always manage to catch my fall.

this part of my dream fades out.

i don't remember what happens next

i don't know if i made it to my class or not.

the next part of my dream that i remember is where i am outside, still at the CCC campus, on a large field of very green and slippery wet grass. there were some rude indie girls who wouldn't let me sit with them. and i couldn't sit on the grass. i kept sliding down, no matter how hard i dug my heels in the the dirt are scrabbled at the grass. i was watching a skating competition, an acquaintance who i am not well acquainted with was competing. i watched him. that was all.

is all.

that i remember.

it was an odd dream.

so tata

In the beginning there was a word. and the word was the beginning

it has been made